update

Ok, so today I really wanted to follow God and hear from Him, and do what he told me to do, and wait and see...
so, i cleaned (God didn't tell me to do this, but i figure since cleanliness is next to godliness, i should do it, haha!), and then i baked cookies, and i took some to a lady who lives next door who has polio i think, she can't walk very well. so i introduced myself (about 6 weeks late!) and gave her the cookies. just to do that small little thing, i was terrified, but i really want to start living not just absorbed in myself. i know it means not really anything, but she has really been on my heart the last couple of weeks, so I finally took a step. hopefully more will come out of this, i'm kind of excited.
then, i went to my Smitty's interview. The boss there was SO nice, we talked for like 15 minutes, and he was asking all about me. then he said "do you really WANT to work this job? like not 'do you want a job', or 'do you think you can do this', but is this what you really WANT to do? because we only want you if you really want to be a waitress, and you think that you would love coming to work to do that. We will train you and help you in any way you can, but the only thing we ask of you is integrity. do you know what that is?" (me: yes, i know what that is), "I'm not sure you really want to do this as a job, but if you do, give us a call tomorrow"
So: it may not seem like much when i write this down, but i firmly believe that was from God. really. no, i have absolutely no desire to be a waitress at Smitty's, although if i were to waitress somewhere, i would way rather do it under a boss like him than any other boss i've worked for!
anyway, i'll keep the updates coming in my search for a meaningful life :)